I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
