Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
