i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
