I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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