But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
