cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
