i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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