Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
