a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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