i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
