I wannas sexs uuuuu
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize