how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
