Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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