That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
