I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
