I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
