i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
