I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
