I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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