ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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