My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
