he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
