i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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