I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
