tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
