No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Less talking, more tequila
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
