I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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