Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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