I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
