i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love you.
Bad choice
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