That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
