I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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