Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
