farters have to be the big spoon...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love you.
Bad choice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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