he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
