i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
