I just threw up on my dentist
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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