Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
