he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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