Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
