If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
