Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
