I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize