her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
