i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
