I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
