1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
