Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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