Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
