we have pet lesbian snakes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
