i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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