his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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