Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
