and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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