if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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