you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
