genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
