Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
