I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
