Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
