Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
