how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize