I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
