so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
