margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
