I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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