Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you will always have a special place in my vag
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
