i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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