You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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