Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
